Alfie’s not really a bad guy. It’s just that he has this overwhelming desire for the ladies. You might say that birds are irresistible to him, sort of second nature. There’s Ruby – ‘a lust box in beautiful condition’; Clare – ‘you’re all lathered in sweat, Alfie’; Siddie – ‘my regular Thursday night bint, a bit leggy for my fancy, but you make a married woman laugh and you’re halfway home’; and Annie – but who’s counting? Certainly not Alfie. Three in one evening if necessary. And necessary is the right word...